Dictator as in someone who dictates. I can't do much typing, so I need to speak aloud to write. I can Swype on my iPad for longer but that doesn't work great for anything but chatting. I'm usually better at being productive in an environment with people, like a coffeeshop or library, or outside. Setback 1 - Those settings are out of the picture now. Setback 2 - I'm not a great writer to begin with. It's painful to me how crappy I am. Being forced to listen to myself as I dictate is ten times worse than just seeing it evolve on the page. Setback 3 - My capacity to be creative, solve problems, and come up with ideas is terribly limited when speaking. My fingers are much better at thinking than my mouth.
I'm crippled by fear, despairing and full of jealousy when I read other people's good writing, and up crying every single time I try to write. I'm ashamed at my failure of willpower to overcome my disability. When my dream of being a scientist was thoroughly and suddenly crushed, I thought I could be a writer instead. But I cannot see how this is a viable lifestyle when it's pure torture.
I wanted to get that off my chest. I hope I can someday delete this post when I conquer Suggestions for solutions would be nice, though. Does anyone have ideas for me?
